Scared...

I have to get this out there and ask for thoughts from other people. Ever since I found out I'm pregnant I have been comtemplating whether or not to get the H1N1 vaccine for myself and for Dylan. I am scared to do it because I don't feel like there has been adequate testing though I know they are still testing it. I'm scared if I do get it for myself or Dylan it could cause serious long term effects. But if I don't get it and either myself or Dylan gets it and something happens to him or the baby I'm carrying it would be devastating. I am trying to research and get more information to help make my decision but in the long run I think it's going to come down to me weighing the risks. I am not as worried about Dylan. He isn't around a lot of other kids or anything like that and he doesn't have any other health concerns. But for myself being pregnant knowing the increased risk of pregnancy and the flu, whether it be H1N1 or just the regular flu, I'm totally at a loss for what to do.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm hormonal, but I'm very concerned about what to do with this. I had never gotten the regular flu vaccine until the year after Dylan was born. I just wasn't comfortable taking it. So I think well I didn't get too sick with the flu when I was pregnant with Dylan so I should be fine with this pregnancy. But then I start to second guess myself thinking what if I don't get the vaccines and something does happen to me or I go into pre mature labor or something.

Help....I am thinking too much on this?

Guess what?!?!?

yep that's right, there's going to be another one. This one was surprise for us. We had planned on going off the pill in the next 2 months or so, but God had different plans for us. So baby #2 should be joining us in late May 2010. I have went through ton of different emotions from excitement to nervous to scared to sad that Dylan won't be the baby anymore to guilty for being scared to happy, and the emotions just keep flowing. I am still scared of how it will work with 2, but plenty of mothers have been there and they are still alive, and some of them even went on to have another one...can you believe it?!?!? :)

I think I realized from this that God has bigger plans for us and knows more what we need than we do. I think I would have kept pushing back when we would start trying because I was scared. Scared of raising 2, scared of the pregnancy and what it will bring this time, scared if we can financially do this, but I know it will work out and we will be okay. And now we will be a strong family of 4.

Keep us in your prayers, I am still early, only 4 weeks. So far my levels have looked good and are rising at the right pace. They are keeping a close eye on me and I will have my levels drawn again next week and hopefully I won't have to keep taking the progesterone. Yay!!

"I want Amen..."

When Gene and I first got married, I said I want to always eat dinner at the table together. Now that doesn't always happen but I would say the majority of the time it does. We always wait for everyone to sit and then we hold hands and say prayer. When we first started trying to get Dylan to hold our hands to say prayer he would just look at us, but eventually he started holding our hands and listening somewhat to what Gene would say. Well recently as soon as we are all sitting he starts saying "I want Amen" and then he reaches for our hands. It's too cute, and he knows we need/want to say prayer before we can eat. He will snack just a little on his dinner while he's waiting on me.

Anyways tonight when we sat down and said prayer, he just wanted to keep doing it over and over. Then we told him to close his eyes and this is what we got:

Though this toddler stage can be trying at times, he never ceases to amaze me at how much he learns. He is silly too, and makes me laugh all the time. This age has made me want to have lots of kids, I know it's a hard age, but it's also so much fun and if I could guarantee I'd have 8 more just like Dylan, maybe not as energetic, I would definitly give Gene his baseball team. I know sometimes I complain about how tiring he can be because he is so busy, but it keeps me active, which will in turn keep me young or maybe kill me young, but at least I would be having fun.